There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists.
Insomnia I cannot get to sleep tonight. I toss and turn and flop. I try to count some fluffy sheep while o’er a fence they hop. I try to think of pleasant dreams of places really cool. I don’t know why I cannot sleep – I slept just fine at school.
I have a very strict gun control policy: if there’s a gun around, I want to be in control of it. ~ Clint Eastwood
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. ~ Neil Armstrong
Oh, I love hugging. I wish I was an octopus, so I could hug 10 people at a time! ~ Drew Barrymore
People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly that it’s impossible to count them accurately. ~ Oscar Wilde
I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humor and English wine. ~ Peter Ustinov
Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. ~ Oscar Wilde
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. ~ Kurt Vonnegut
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. ~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. ~ Dr. Seuss
If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD WAS MUSIC ~ Kurt Vonnegut
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. ~ Bob Marley
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. ~ Mark Twain
I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here. ~ Lauren Myracle
You should eat a waffle! You can’t be sad if you eat a waffle! ~ Lauren Myracle
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. ~ Robert Benchley
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. ~ Albert Einstein
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?~Erma Bombeck