I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler
Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is. It’s always room-temperature.
Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!
There are 3 kinds of people:, those who can count and those who can’t.
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. ~ Albert Einstein
Before God we are all equally wise – and equally foolish. ~ Albert Einstein
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.
Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don’t get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
I know I’m in my own little world, but it’s ok. They know me here.
Live everyday like it was your last, and eventually you’ll be right.
I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice. ~ Casey Stengel
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries. ~ Stephen King.